11 Tips for Writing the Perfect Wedding Vows for your Partner
A lot of couples are deciding to write their own vows these days and I absolutely love the personal touch it gives to the ceremony. But the thought of writing your own vows can be daunting —
“What should I say?”
“What are my promises to my partner?”
“What if I say the wrong thing?”
That’s why I’ve created this list of 11 tips for writing your own vows, so you can relax, get rid of those doubts, and know your vows will be just perfect!
1 — read a few examples
A little inspiration never hurt anyone! A quick google search will help you along the way of writing your own vows. Be sure not to copy though, use this as inspiration only and to get the general idea of what your vows might look like; you want your vows to be uniquely you and from the heart!
I love this blog post from Mountain House Estate because it gives some great examples and step-by-step guide to writing your vows (with examples!)
2 — talk to your partner about the tone of their vows
Are you two going for humor? Keeping it serious and sentimental? Maybe a mix of both? This is a conversation worth having! Your wedding vows are your promises to your partner for the rest of your lives. It’s best to be on the same page so that one of you isn’t caught off-guard during your ceremony.
You don’t want to be like this groom, who had some horrific vows that went viral!
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3 — practice out loud
Practice makes perfect! Read them aloud, practice in front of a mirror, or ask a trusted friend to lend an listening ear. Reading your vows out loud will help you catch any spots where the grammar might be off as well as listening for a cohesive structure.
4 — include stories and memories but avoid embarrassment
Your most beloved friends and family have gathered to celebrate your marriage — it’s time to get a little sappy and gush about how much you love your partner. At the end of the day, your wedding vows are just for you and your partner, but don’t forget that you’ll be reading them in front of all your friends and family too! While stories are a great addition to your vows and gives a personal touch, maybe leave out that one about your partner pooping their pants that one time.
5 — make solid promises
They are vows after all — make promises you know you can keep! Your life together won't always be easy, so your promises should reflect that. Think about the great heights you want go to with your partner, but also remind them that your love will get you through the hard times as well. Tell your partner about the commitments you want to stick to for the rest of your life; through both the good and the bad.
PROTIP: avoid the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ — while I know you mean well, these are words that could set you up for failure from the get-go. Marriage can be hard sometimes and you’re in it for the long haul; don’t promise perfection.
6 — voice admiration and tell them why you fell in love with them
This is your time to be vulnerable. Your ceremony and wedding day will be a judegment-free space. Even if you aren't the sentimental, romantic type, it could be nice to surprise your partner with your vows that make them feel special. Writing your vows doesn’t have to be hard; just focus on why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Your safe space will be standing right in front of you.
7 — make your vows a top priority in your wedding planning (and don’t leave it to the last minute!)
In the weeks before my wedding, I took notes in my phone leading up to writing my vows. It’s nice to take notes of things as you think of them, then when you’re ready to sit down and write, you have a list of things to start with! Be sure not to leave your vows to the last minute — this should be a top priority during your wedding planning! Plus you’ll have a ton of stuff to do in the weeks before, so it’s best to have at least your first few drafts done early. And remember — your first draft shouldn’t be the final product.
8 — focus on your partner not the audience
Yes, you’ll be reciting those lines in front of all your family and friends, but at the end of the day they are solely for your partner. Don’t worry to much about saying the wrong thing! But remember, leave out those embarrassing stories ;)
9 — consider sharing your vows for the first time in private
My husband and I did this! If you’re doing a first look, consider sharing your vows at that time. Your first look is a once-in-a-lifetime moment and one of the only moments on your wedding day that you are truly alone. Share your vows for the first time in private to get rid of some of those pre-ceremony nerves and enjoy this special moment together!
Even if you’re against doing a first look, you could also do a first touch or share your vows on either side of a door.
10 — don’t try to include everything
Your vows don’t have to include absolutely everything in order to be perfect. Try focusing on a few solid and important promises instead of cramming in all the things! You don’t want your vows to be crazy lengthy either, I’d recommend keeping it to a few paragraphs (2-4 minutes). Start by jotting down all the things that come to mind about your partner and the marriage you want to have. Then you can revisit those notes later and highlight your favorite items to be the starting points for your vows. It's understandable to want to fit all the things you're feeling into your vows—but in reality, you just can't include everything!
11 — avoid cliches and write from the heart
I see you googling “love quotes to add to your vows” — stop that! I would try to avoid cliches and quotes unless they truly pertain to your relationship/love story. No two relationships are the same, so your vows should be unique. Focus on writing from the heart and keeping them genuinely you.
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